Happy Birthday to my girl crush

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She’s the hottest girl in the game wearing all the chains. If you haven’t listened or seen Ms. Thing rap and perform, you don’t know what you’re missing. Happy Birthday Iggy Azalea! Work it like you 24…because you are.

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Amazing Documentary About Our Financial System

Many moons ago, when I lived in Miami, I was locked out of the financial system. A big reason was because of my unwise credit management (and a bad drug addiction). I didn’t have a checking account and had to cash checks through a check cashing place – then ride my bike to several other locations to pay my rent and utilities. It was a big pain in the ass, to put it mildly. I’m thankful those days are behind me, but for some people, they have just begun. This movie addresses those issues and more. It’s a short but effective documentary. Enjoy!

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The Perils of a Forgotten Blog

The Mush is glad we're back!

The Mush is glad we’re back!

It’s been a year since I abandoned my post here on Ladytigerproductions.com. What in the hay-hell as been going on? A lot. I won’t go over the past year’s reflection, let’s just say I got laid a lot last summer and nothing distracts my attention away like a good lay, hey.

Did I mention I’m also writing rap songs? Kidding. Ditto on the kidding about getting laid too. I wish the reasons I stopped writing were that salacious. Truth be told, I was working 3 jobs – stopped and enrolled in school. I also took an internship. You see folks, I’m trying to reshape my life. Trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Trying to well, become an adult 37 years into the game. Has it worked? Sort-of. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully functioning and that’s okay by me.

I don’t expect anyone to remember my blog – after all, a year without writing online is like 43 light years in space. Star-Warsy speaking. Yesterday I decided to take time off of my internship so I could return to doing what I do best: bitch and moan about my life. KIDDING. In actuality I had an epiphany. For the past 12 years I have been building other people’s businesses (OPB) and not my own. Why? Partly because I was (and still am) afraid and partly because I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think I had the brass-balls to make it in this world. I still don’t know – but I’m ready to try which is why I’m getting back on the writing train. I have a lot to write about seeing that I’m in school and all edge-a-macated and shit.

I hope all of you have been making the most with your time, not being scared like me and pursuing your dreams no matter how whacked out they seem. We only have this one shot (until we are reincarnated which I still pray the universe makes me a man with a fast metabolism).

This has nothing to do with my prior point, but after writing OPB you know what I want to hear.

Hit it.

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Flashback Outfit: Flygirl Edition

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Oh HAAAAAY boos. Seems like I can’t quite get my shit together when it comes to writing this year. Now that I have:

Not 1.

Not 2.

but 3 jobs, finding free time is a bit impetuous. But that’s okay because free time always gets this lady into trouble.

Speaking of trouble, let’s lace up your dance shoes and get ready to do the Running Man. Where you going, girl? In Living Color called and they was wondering if you could do a couple of chest thrusts and step-ball-changes in between skits. Life as a Fly-girl can be rough on the callous. No matter. I’ma still wear my hat sideways.

Apparently I didn’t get the hip-hop memo that it’s not cool for a white girl from New Haven to wear a fake diamond chain around her neck. Not only a fake diamond chain – but a chain in the shape of a money symbol. Now that’s some pre-Ke$ha bullshit.

The T-shirt I’m wearing is a H&M classic. I remember when the store opened in Boston, I was invited to the pre-opening. That’s only because I was running a modeling agency and had loads of pretty girls at my disposal. Let me tell you something: pretty girls will get you into more premieres than puppies. Because old men don’t like to fuck puppies – unless they’re really bat-shit-CRA. Old men like to pretend that they are going to fuck young girls and they will give you all sort of perks in hopes of getting into some panties. Of course, being the protective Mama-Bear that I was, that never happened. But anticipation, like Tim Curry says in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, makes a man shiver. And a shivering man with a shrinking hard-on will give gift-bags and fruit loops to any lady carting around 18 years olds. Trust.

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Tiger Rant: Disney Princesses

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In yet another pedophilic attempt to over-sexulize young girls, the big wigs of Disney have converted my favorite Disney princess, Merdia, into a thinner, sexier version of her former self. Better teach these little ones to have big boobs rather than to be Brave:

Princess Merida before and after

I’ll say this opinion comes from a bias place. I hate Disney princesses and everything they teach girls to stand for: mainly find a man by twirling around and acting helpless (and sexy) otherwise you’ll be washed up. So imagine my surprise when I watched Brave – finally a girl after my own heart! Merida would rather shoot arrows and play outside than be wrapped up in bondage of boring romances. Brave was the Disney movie I would actually show my kids if I had them. Why? Because little girls have to grow up to believe they are more than pretty objects to be bought and traded – either figuratively or literally by men. Up. There I go. Getting all Fem-nazi again. But wait a minute, here’s a quote from the original director of Brave, Brenda Chapman, to the Hollywood Reporter on Merida’s makeover:

“Merida was created to break that mold — to give young girls a better, stronger role model, a more attainable role model, something of substance, not just a pretty face that waits around for romance.”

Look, I grew up believing that the dreams you dream really do come true. It’s just that my dreams were about running companies – not getting married to Prince Charming. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had one wedding fantasy in my life – except for getting married by Elvis in Vegas. As far Prince Charming(s), they’re like nachos – you can never eat only one.

Thankfully there has been a tremendous amount of backlash about Merida’s redesign. Change.org put out a petition garnishing over 200,000 signatures and as of today the old Merida is on its Disney Princess site. Bippity-boppity-boo.

In other news, Jaime Moore, a photographer from Austin, Texas, middle-fingered The Disney Princess franchise by celebrating her daughter’s 5th birthday another way. In a creative move that I can only describe as epic, Jaime dressed up her daughter Emma as 5 influential woman of our age: Amelia Earhart, Coco Chanel, Susan B Anthony, Helen Keller and Jane Goodall.  Moore says, “‘My daughter wasn’t born into royalty, she was born into a country where she can now vote, become a doctor, a pilot, an astronaut, or even President if she wants and that’s what REALLY matters.”

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Death, Gratitude and a Led Zeppelin Song.

This is a trip we took to Jerome, AZ. He gladly got on the horsey so I could take the picture.

This is a trip we took to Jerome, AZ. He gladly got on the horsey so I could take the picture.

I am back after a long-ass hiatus. This hiatus was far from a vacation – frankly it was a bit of a shit storm. Lucky for me, I have pirating-viking-navationational skills. Kids. Please don’t try this at home.

My brain has been unable to form sentences since my mind left town for a ping-pong tournament. Forgive me, it’s my default button to make light of something very serious. Something I wish was a joke.  My boyfriend died 3 weeks ago today. Zach and I had been a couple for over 8 months, a short amount of time in normal-couple world – record long for me. If you know me or read this blog, I’m not slutty, I’m just lucky and prefer the company of myself over any man. For one, they whine. A lot. For two, they’re needy, sneak behind your back and fart. For me, having someone stick around for more than 2 days is like winning the Super Bowl with one leg. Virtually impossible. Yet Zach and I lived together for 3 months.

This is more an explanation of my cyber absence – not a dumpster dive for sympathy. I’m not looking for pity. I’m looking to celebrate. I was blessed with an opportunity of knowing, loving (and farting) with someone special for over 8 months. I’m not particular happy either. I find the absence of his presence the most overwhelming to handle – but I’m handling it – soberly too (perhaps the greatest miracle of all). I didn’t know what I would write when I sat down to write. I just knew I’ve been offline for a long time – and wanted to come back with a bang of sad tidings. Again, not to bum my readers out. Just to express and acknowledge how lucky I fucking am.

I won’t go into details about his death because that’s even sadder than his death itself. Let’s just say he’s in a better spot, pain-free and at peace. He suffered from several ailments including Type 1 Diabetes and Addison’s disease. He had been in and out of hospitals for several months and almost died back in December. As a couple, we had been through a lot. As a lady, I was in over my head. Again. I didn’t realize how sick he was until my heart got involved – and once it was involved – I couldn’t just turn around and walk away. Sickness and health took on a whole new meaning – and I wasn’t even married to this guy. A lot of my friends wondered – out loud – why I even bothered. I guess when you dig who you dig you become willing to overlook a lot of things. As women, we taught to take care of everyone around us excluding ourselves. Maybe I was living up to that notion. Swallowing what was shoved down my throat since an early age.

Moving through guilt isn’t easy. Think of squirming through quicksand with a ball and chain. Think of a hand that whacks you in the face when you least expect it. I was watching a movie the other night, ironically to get my mind off things when I was hit with a tidal wave of emotion – you can’t predict it or hear it coming. It just arrives whether you want it or not and there’s nothing left to do but deal with it.

That being said, why not laugh when you really want to cry – which I have – a lot. I’m not going to lie, losing someone, unexpectedly, changes your heart – for the best. I know. Sounds bat-shit-CRA. My heart is so heavy, hearty and strong. If it were out of my chest it would weight as much as a 1,000 pound tire those crazy personal trainers make you drag up a hill at 5am. My heart has expanded and can hold a lot of space – for a lot of people. It can feel compassion and emphasize better than it ever has before. It understands. It gets it, girl. My heart is humbled and has eaten it Wheaties. It’s ready for another round of love. Not too soon but certainly again. Truly what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. That is the gift I am left with. It is the gift that Zach has made me – in this life – and in lifetimes to come – where I hope we’ll get to spend a lot longer than 8 months together.

If you have an aversion to lame-couple-inside-jokes, you may not want to click the link below. For those of us who are as cheesy as cheese balls, this song makes me think of Zach and what our brief moment in time was all about – spiritually-speaking.  The craziest part of this whole experience is my exposure to the great unknowing. You just never know when a person will enter or exit – all you can do is keep the door open.

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Polka Dot Thrift Score!

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Despite being stuck inside, sick to death and smothered in Vick’s Vapor Rub, I can still blog about my recent thrift score. Not going to let a little brink-of-Broncitisis-coupled-with-a-cold get me down. I’ll just stuff some tissue in my right nostril and get on with my day.

Sheer is spring’s seemingly see-through trend. I get it. I dig it. As I’ve said before, I always like to follow trends without really following them. Just give hints and dabs of what’s new with what I already do. This little ditty cost $8.00 – a bit over the normal thrift score price but hey, that’s okay. Retail thrift-store therapy is the cure for the common cold. Sort of.

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This is a beach coverup that I’m turning into a dress. I’m going to pair it with a black tank-top and a hot pink pencil skirt. On my shopping list: platforms. I was pursuing Urban Outfitters’ website today looking for shoes when I realized 5 things:

1. The shorts being sold for girls today are too fucking short.

2. Everything looks like a high school flashback.

3: They are calling the 90’s “vintage.” Really.

4.  I didn’t see any clothes I would wear which indicates that I am, in fact, too old to shop at Urban Outfitters anymore….at least for anything besides shoes, accessories and housewares.

5. Looking like an extra in a hair metal band is back. Why. I’ll never know. I’ll stick to my Lady Polka Dots and leave the young Litas to their Ford:

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