It’s not you. It’s me.
We can’t live without our we.
Side by side by side by side.
Is all we’ll ever be.
Have you ever been in a relationship in which the lines of your individuality get blurred with another? Do you place your partner’s needs above your own? Do you find yourself being the only one to make a moves on/with/around another person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be codependent. It’s okay – just like Love Addiction – we can’t help but be what we are taught – and many of us were taught to place other’s needs before our own at any cost.
Codependence is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as in an addiction to alcohol or heroin); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessivecompliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.
Codependency was introduced in the 1980’s as a way of explaining the relationship between an addicted/alcoholic person and their partner. In typical cases, the codependent will endure abuse and neglect but remain in the relationship even if their lives are in danger. Like love addicts, codependents suffer from low self-esteem, controlling behaviors (OCD) and denial. They are also fantasy-addicts.
Nowadays codependency has evolved to include a wider variety of relationships. It causes high levels of anxiety and depression and is known to be more prevalent in woman than men. However anyone can be codependent if they display the following symptoms. Don’t worry. I’ve added codependent to my love addiction resume – which includes a Ph.D in fuckupedness. Hey, someone’s got to air their smelly socks of experience so others (like my readers) don’t have to. If you think you may be codependent, take this quiz and stay tuned for more resources and support. If you have a story of your own to share I would love to hear it. Please send me your comments and suggestions.
Finally, one of the pioneers in Codependency and Love Addiction research is Pia Mellody. Below is a video (and it is a back in the day type production) that talks about the basics of codependency: