On Humping Old Men.

T.M.B, Bitches. This is my boyfriend. Viagra and penis pump included.

I’ve been living in Arizona for a little under a week and so far, change is good. I realize I’m adaptable – like a lizard – who I’m happy to say is making a comeback! Last time I saw those things wiggle down a road I was in Miami getting laid a tan. I can still tan. In fact, I took a ride to Phoenix over the weekend and fried an egg off the top of the car. Man! It’s hot. Like Hades-hot. Like this guy hot:

I can’t report that AZ men are hot YET because the only ones I’ve seen so far are older than my average bear. I know some gals get down with grandpas and good for you. Personally I would need a blinder, a memory eraser and someone to gouge out my eyes. No matter what Pee-paw was buying me for breakfast, life is too short not to date handsome. In fact, let me go on the record – and ruin my chances of a financial bailout by saying that I don’t dig on old dudes or get the sugar-daddy-deal. I feel that with any transaction there’s always an action required. Meaning that daddy’s piper has to be played paid or else the deal is over. The only flugelhorn I’m playing with is a Chuck Manigone record, thankyouverymuch.

Old-man action is like bungee jumping. I only want to try it once. That once hasn’t arrived. Maybe because I’m old and in order to get laid by a semi-handsome-older man I would have to date 80 or above. After all, 40 is dating 20; 50 is dating 20 and 20 is digging on both. That means I’m left with meatloaf and an early bird special. Thanks ladies. No really. I love my tickets to bingo-pot-luck and West Side Story. There’s nothing better than turning up my man’s hearing aid so I can whisper lines of Andy Rooney right into that dreamboat’s ear. The best thing about dating 80 is that they can’t sign the checks they hand to you – or remember the amount on them.

The best old man alive: Mick Jagger. I’d tap it, slap it and put it on ice. Nothing struts better than that man in leather. Or this guy at a holiday party….For REALS:

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2 Responses to On Humping Old Men.

  1. Pingback: The Sugar Daddy Experiment. | ladytiger

  2. Elvia says:

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