I Wanted To Be One With The Tiger.

Have you heard about the dude that jumped into the tiger cage at the Bronx Zoo last week? No this isn’t the set-up for a bad joke. David Villalobos, 25, was charged with trespassing Saturday after he leapt over a monorail and onto a Siberian tiger’s dinner table where he was then mauled by the animal. Zoo officials were able to save him by distracting the cat with a fire extinguisher.

At first everyone thought David wanted to die-by-tiger but that wasn’t the case. Turns out when asked, Villalobos said he just wanted to be one with the tiger. He suffered broken ribs, a broken right ankle, collapsed lung and a broken pelvis. The majority of his injuries came from the fall into the tiger den, rather than from the tiger itself. He is currently at Jacobi Medical Center in stable condition.

Being one with the tiger is akin to walking a warrior path. Or watching too much of this movie:

Personally that exactly the kind of tiger I’m looking to be – if you haven’t noticed the header and the title of this blog. I suppose tigers – especially Lady Tigers – have a certain quality that could entail a little dive off a 17 foot monorail. After watching Scarface I’m sure a lot of people wanted a tiger in their backyard – they are, after all more effective than a pit bull when it comes to personal security.

David Villalobos is sadly becoming one with his CRA-CRA – while the tiger is wondering what the hell he did wrong. What a missed morsel of opportunity that was! Poor thing has to sit on a rock all day and look handsome while folks with small kids snap pictures. You might as well parade turkeys around an inmate who hasn’t eaten a decent meal in 190 days. At least hunting a human would have added some oomph to the tiger’s semi-good-locked-out-of-the-jungle-kind-of-day. And what’s so shiny about a fire extinguisher anyway?

Does David know that if you want to become one with a tiger all you have to do is adopt one? I am. His name will be fluffy.

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